Burnt out?

Yesterday was Cinco de Mayo. What did I do? Oh I went out with some friends, had a couple of cherry vodka sours with the love of my life… Oh, wait. No I didn’t. That was what we planned at lunch. But all of a sudden I am no longer included. Now that’s kind of okay with me. You are quite allowed to have your own friends and go out on your own. If we were to be together that would be fine. It’s healthy even. What isn’t okay is you promising to keep me updated and let me know what’s gonna be happening and then blatantly not. So what did I ask? That you come over and check on me. When you refused to do that I asked for a phone call. You started to reply and then deemed me not important enough to finish out your text. For someone that supposedly cares so much you have a really odd fucking awful way of showing it. You knew that all of my plans had fallen through. You knew that more than anything I wanted to hang out with you. What did you do? Ignored me until eight o’clock the next evening. I politely offer to make you lunch and then dinner. I’m not feeling it. I don’t wanna hang out. I don’t wanna see you. I want to be alone. Fuck. That. What gives you the right to decide everything? Why is everything done on your whim? What did we do Sunday? Oh that’s right. You weren’t feeling well so I went out, bought medicine and powerade, prepared you some dinner, and then let you ravish my body. You fell asleep for four hours and then when you woke up you politely asked me to leave. Did that hurt? Yeah, but I did because I knew you didn’t feel well. 

You keep getting “burnt out” on me. This isn’t my fault. You may have altered my way of thinking. Made me think I’m not good enough for you. But this is something I know. You got upset Monday after lunch because I wanted a kiss goodbye. Not only is this not out of the ordinary, but I kinda think I deserve to get some of what I want. Maybe I texted you too much while you were out? 1. I had no idea you were out yet. I thought you were waiting at home to hear about plans. 2. I was in a panic. You may remember I got attacked last Wednesday? Yeah. I needed some comfort. Thanks for nothing, baby asshole. Do you see me a lot? Yes. And alone time is healthy and fine, but it isn’t fair that you only call on me when you need something. Sometimes I need comfort or company. I do appreciate the time that I get. I sound ungrateful. I do love that now you hang out and see me not because you feel that you have to, but because you want to. HOWEVER, even in this weird relationship that we are currently in, I expect some give and take. You can suck it up and come see me when I feel like I need it, just like I suck it up and accept that you don’t always want to be in my company. But will anything change? No. Because you are one to always get your way while I’m stuck out in the cold. 

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